Kelsey McDonough’s Realest Tweets of the Spring

Kelsey McDonough’s Realest Tweets of the Spring


Bunnies to mah left. Bunnies to mah right. (June 4)

I guess I just don’t really care about M. Ward. (June 4)

If canned tuna ever became illegal I’d be so effed. (June 2)

how long do you think that popcorn kernel’s been in my bra? (May 30)

The way l frantically check my twitter/Facebook/email/etc. in the morning you’d think the Internet was in danger of exploding at any moment (May 26)

Eating beef jerky in the Aldi parking lot and not even super embarrassed about what my life has become. (May 25)

Cowbell in this Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros song sounds like my Outlook reminder. Freakin’ me out like I’m missin’ all my meetin’s. (May 23)

Do you guys think there are more packets of ketchup or construction cones in the world? Like the highway ones. And Heinz obviously. (May 15)

I hope I’m never that middle aged woman perusing the chip selection at Super America with the back of her dress tucked into her undies :-/ (May 13)

So THAT is obviously the dreadlock I accidentally dipped in my whiskey diet and tried to wash with toothpaste. (May 13)

Operation Hydration: successful and ended in urination, as expected. (May 12)

Bought stupid underwear dammit (May 1)

Open facial wound, on a plane, wearing running tights. Just thought I’d set the scene for you. Oh yeah, and eating a bagel. (April 28)

Holy smokes, that is the smallest muffin. (April 26)

Sometimes I wonder how many apple stickers I’ve eaten in my life. (April 24)

ike, I’m SORRY. I just don’t like carrots that much. (April 15)

Winding road my ass, Sheryl. (April 13)

Girls, try super hard to never drop canned tuna on the crotch of yer pants. (April 12)

CHOCOLATE BEER GUYS (April 6)

OMG you’ve been to 34 out of 50 states!? WOWZER AMAZING SUCH A TRAVELER CONGRATS (April 5)

I try not to mad at people who knock past me at shows but YOU WILL DIE A MISERABLE DEATH. (April 2)

You know, for a cleaning agent, tooth paste is ridiculously hard to hide when you inevitably drool it on your shirt before work. (April 2)

– Compiled by @JayGabler

Illustration by Becky Lang