Valentines From a Single Gal

Valentines From a Single Gal

“I don’t really even like edible gifts or attention of any kind, so this day is like really not a big deal to me!”


“I wore this ridiculously over the top red and pink outfit to camouflage the fact that I feel bad that I haven’t had a boyfriend in a year and a half!”


“I didn’t shave my legs today! Or any day in the last two weeks, for that matter! I’m going to watch three episodes of True Life: I’m a Textaholic tonight to celebrate all the time I’ve saved! ”


“Eat these candies I brought into the office so you get fat and then I’ll have a better chance at beating you out for our cute co-worker’s attention!”


“I’m allergic to roses and the sheen of diamonds gives me a migraine! Plus, “true love” is a made up feeling, so have fun with that!”


“Don’t worry about me while you’re on a dinner date with your fiancee ‘cuz I’ll be super busy eating a whole pizza and watching a Harrison Ford marathon with my Grandma!”


“While you were on your date, I managed to eat six Pop-Tarts, drink a bottle of wine and convince myself that I would have better luck as a lesbian!”


“Boys, schmoys, amiright? LOL!” *sigh*


“Honestly, I don’t mind Valentine’s Day because it’s the best day to practice my self-deprecating I’ll-Be-Alone-Forever-And-It’s-Sorta-Funny-Sorta-Not stand-up routine!”


“FYI, I’ve made out with like 26 people in my life, so don’t feel sorry for me!”


“I prefer to sleep alone because I have a large wingspan and haven’t found anyone else thus far in my life who shares my morning preference of waking up to vintage John Travolta singles played at full blast!”


Kelsey McDonough will probably treat herself to Dairy Queen this Valentine’s Day because she likes the way it tastes and that it is just a food and is, thus, incapable of judging her.