To understand romance, I think we first need to take a look at animal courtship. This may come as a surprise to you, but humans are animals. Animals have one purpose in life: to pass on their genes to offspring. (Humans will argue they have a lot more purpose, but we’re sticking to science here.) When it comes to some animals, they only have one chance in a year (or maybe a lifetime) to get this part right. The females are the ones who get to be choosy, since they are investing a heck of a lot more resources into the whole process (their womb, parental care, etc). This leads to the males putting on extravagant courtship rituals or simply impressing the females with colorful or larger body parts (think peacock feathers or deer antlers). Men, as we all know, can make lots of babies at one time because they’re not actually carrying them; the whole process isn’t up to them at all.

Because I spend a lot of time trying to relate science to the average person’s life, I’ve made a lot of connections that are, unbeknownst to me at the time, completely accurate and supported by fact. My latest observation: men and romance. (Which is probably talked about in great deal in someone’s Masters thesis.)

Even after all these years, men still have one goal: spreading their seed. Women often call men “perverted” or “disgusting” for wanting to do this, but they actually can’t help it that much. What are most men really, really good at? Seduction. What are women really, really into? Swooning. What usually happens when the two of these are achieved? Sex.

But how long does the romance last? If you’re lucky, perhaps you’ll get a few more rounds of knee-weakening, heart-pounding moments out of a guy. Maybe he’ll send you some flowers or be the first to initiate a text. (Swoon!) But after he’s “crossed home plate” a few more times, the romance starts to die down. Why?

Romance is basically the equivalent of animal courtship. Dudes put a lot of time and energy into being romantic, just like the rest of the animal kingdom. For humans, romance requires money and research and typically a trip to a jewelry store. For most other animals, successful courting can be achieved through good health. Unfortunately for human males, females expect them to do it a whole lot longer than once a year. Once men finally give up after realizing the outcome is no longer worth the input, human females get frustrated and think there’s something wrong with the relationship. Don’t get me wrong, “love” is still there, which is unique to humans (and maybe elephants and some bird species), but completely in our heads.

Feelings of doubt in relationships stem entirely from fantasy movies and books where the male characters are exactly that: fantastic. Fantasy men never tire from serenading you on a dock at sunset or telling you they love you as fireworks explode in the sky. They have infinite resources because someone else dreamt of them: frustrated females who can’t seem to find Mr. Right. In actuality, these ladies probably already let him go, and he’s most likely being super romantic to another chick somewhere else….but only for a couple of months.

–Heidi loves to swoon.

Photo by Summit Entertainment.