Pros and Cons of Having a Goatee
I recently parlayed some Halloween costume facial hair into “the real deal.” Here are my findings:
Pros:
– I look like I work sheet metal. Those guys make serious coin.
– When I look in the mirror, I think “Here’s a guy that won’t B.S. ya one bit!”
– I look sorta look like an MLB pitcher.
– That snobby liberal arts degree never saw this coming!
– When I got into a loud argument with my friend Bryan yesterday, I kept thinking to myself: “He’s having an argument with a guy who has a goatee.”
– My mouth has never been so well framed.
– Leo DiCaprio and Ed Norton rock ’em.
– Am I stronger now? Possibly.
Cons:
– When food gets caught in a beard, it’s silly. When it gets caught in a goatee, it seems like the goateed party should have been responsible enough to prevent it. He’s diligent about grooming, after all.
– Feel my family’s deep white trashiness coursing through my veins.
– It’s workmanlike, yes. But there are also shades of perviness.
– Evil, bizarre-o world replicons are always goateed.
– It’s sure as sugar not getting me laid anytime soon.
– Kid Rock and Guy Fieri also rock ’em.
– Am I a divorced dad holding on to shreds of my youth via a rebellious goatee? Possibly.