I never associated the song “Wannabe” with anything more than a poorly choreographed dance performance in my living room until I decided to relive my tweenhood. (I think I never made the connection between “lovah” and “lover” because accents throw me off.)
From what I gather, the Spice Girls were pretty kinky, even that ugly “Sporty” one. They sing songs about “two becoming one” and getting “naked.” The movie SpiceWorld led me to believe they traipsed around town wearing tiny dresses while subsisting on lollipops and dancing with guys in assless chaps. I don’t know why I was so surprised by the lack of innocence in this song. Probably because I also assumed “Baby” meant they still bottle-fed her in the back of the tour bus.
The song starts out tame with a nice, uppity verse. “If you really bug me, then I’ll say goodbye.” Cute! I used to say that to my little sister, so I could immediately relate. Then out of nowhere, I’m bombarded with, “I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT, WHAT I REALLY, REALLY WANT” and something about Zigazig Ahh’s. The motions they’re making at this point in the music video clue me in to the overriding theme of the piece: sex.
I genuinely get excited at the chorus; is this something I can tell future suitors? Is it full of female-centric themes that will whip my man into shape? “If you wannabe my lover, you gotta get with my friends.” AWESOME. I’m diggin’ it.
Wait, what?
Like, just get close with my friends or get with my friends? I suppose it’s important for a guy to be friends with my friends (even though the girls had it wrong about friendships never ending). They continue with, “You have got to give/taking is too easy/but that’s the way it is.” What exactly is being given? Because it sounds like my potential boyfriend needs to casually sneak his penis into my circle of friends, and they shouldn’t be surprised by it.
The song ends with a sweet little rap, which includes what every Spice Girl likes. I guess this is only necessary if you plan to date a Spice Girl, but Em likes it in her face, you’ll have to pay “Easy V,” and Scary Spice just wants you to “slam your body down and wind it all around.” Sounds pretty wild.
In conclusion, this song is about swinging, and I have completely changed my mind about becoming “Snarky Spice.”
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