“What’s the big deal about this Elder wand? If you ask me, I’d rather see his Younger wand.”

“What? Yes?” (every time someone says ‘horcrux’)

“If Neville’s Longbottom is any indication of the rest of him, sign me up!”

“Mmm I have something very similar to Bellatrix’s outfit in my vault but it’s red and instead of opening it with the help of a goblin, you open it with the help of your butt cheeks.”

“I’d go to Hogwarts for the clothes alone! I just love a man in a robe. Easy access!”

“Do you think this theater has a Chamber of Secrets? All this sexual tension is making me want to have a run-in with a fang myself.”

“Why the hell are all these kids looking for a Ravenclaw diaphragm? That reminds me, I need to make an appointment…”

“I know you’re expecting me to make some sort of comment about the Forbidden Forest, but I sense you are getting annoyed with me right now so I’ll just take my gigantic pocketbook and get out of here.”

– Emily Weiss likes both television AND film