Sexting for Dummies
1. Double-check the address you’re sending it to. Here are some common mistakes (NOT LIKE I HAVE MADE ANY OF THEM):
a) Twitter: Make sure you are sending a DM and not a ‘mention’ unless you want your entire follower base to know that you “wish you were here chilling with me in my underwear and watching Bravo.”
b) E-mail: Double-check your e-mail’s address autopopulation. Especially if you use Gmail; since it’s real smart it will constantly change the order of the contacts based on how frequently you e-mail them. If you’re used to typing in simply “M” and then blindly selecting the first drop-down choice, be very careful that “matt@bromail.com” hasn’t been exchanged for “mom@yourhouse.com”.
c) Texting: Same goes for texting. Especially when you are drunk. Squint through those beer goggles and make very sure that you are in fact telling your boyfriend “Roderick” precisely what you want him to do to you, and not the student body president entered into your phone as “Fredericks”. Yeesh.
2. Please for the love of God think of a better way to initiate sexting than “what are you wearing.” Here’s why: describing to you what I am wearing, even if I lie about its inherent sexiness, does nothing for me sexually. This is as bad of a cliché as, “So, do you come here often?” Honestly would prefer you to simply say, “I wish I was having sex with you right now but distance or other factors preclude it, should we text about it?”
3. Follow suit. Don’t rush out the sexting gate with the most explicit, fetishist, nasty thing you can think of. Try to at least somewhat mimick what your sexting partner appears to be into, at least long enough to make sure they aren’t going to change your phone contact to “W.T.F.?!” or “PERVERT” and never talk to you again.