1. ~5 people “like” it. This symbolizes they’re glad you’re back on the market, but only ironically. If someone has actually been waiting around to bang you, they know the proper first step is not unsympathetically “liking” your breakup.
2. About ten girls who you kinda knew in college will comment, “Sad!!!” or “Oh no, are you ok?” This is embarrassing. Don’t do this to people.
3. At least two of your exes will gchat you. They’ll ask you if you liked them better than the guy you just dated. They might affirm you as a person, from the stance of much long-distance contemplation/glamorization of how they remember you being. They might ask you to go to lunch.
4. Someone on your unofficial “list” of good-looking people around town might Facebook chat you and organize to drink in your presence. This could also happen with bad-looking people, so be careful.
5. Your roommates will ask you if you’re OK while sitting next to you on their respective laptops watching Law & Order: SVU.
6. Your sister will chat you even though she’s still not much of a “chatter” on the Internet. You’ll agree together not to tell mom yet.
7. Somewhere your ex is mocking you for having a Facebook relationship status.
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