Sophomore college girls. “We’re just dancing with our friends! We’re paying absolutely no attention to what any guys think. NONE AT ALL, REALLY.”

Bro buffet. “We’ve got a drink in each hand, and we’re going to line up against the bar doing nothing. Ladies, come and get it!”

Hard-drinking hipsters. “We’re here for the two-for-one drinks. If you’re looking for us, you can find us sitting in the corner making fun of you.”

Bored hip-hop heads. “What’s this ‘Like a G6’ bullshit?”

White guys wearing bling. “Um, this is awkward. No one told us there were going to be actual black people here.”

DJs. “We’re here to work. When we take our headphones off, that means we’re available to be hit on. If you’d like to give us blow jobs in the bathroom, we’ll consider requests in the order they are received.”

Scenesters. “Who’s here? Oh, just the exact same people who are here every week? Whatevs.”

People dancing the pain away. “We’re going to own that empty dance floor from 9:00-10:30, because people suck and we don’t care about anyone. [sob]”

Girls out with their best gay. “He just came out last fall! He can totally cock-block any creepsters for us, because in that buffalo plaid shirt, everyone will totes think he’s straight.”

Fashionistas. “This is not just a t-shirt…it has epaulets.”

– Jay Gabler and Sarah Heuer