Other than “the condom’s missing,” are there any three words you’d less like to hear than “save my seat”?
Seat-saving is one of the most palm-sweatingly awkward things any of us are ever asked to do on a regular basis. You wouldn’t be asked to save the seat if it wasn’t in imminent threat of being taken, which means that you’re spending an amount of time ranging from minutes to hours looking around nervously and apologetically while you endure 360 degrees of disapproving looks. You pray that the jacket or purse in the empty seat will be correctly interpreted as a sign the seat is saved, so you don’t have to have this conversation:
“Is that seat saved?”
“Yeah, sorry.”
“[sigh, head shaking, frustrated frown]”
“[expression trying to convey I’m so sorry! I hate this, but my friends asked me to and I couldn’t say no because you can’t say no when someone asks you to save their seat!]”
Does it have to be this way? Must we all be continually at the mercy of capricious friends who want to bide their sweet time lingering over dinner while we boil in the seething oil of social disapproval?
It’s not possible to eliminate the practice of seat-saving entirely. Sometimes people have to pee, and the fact that it’s not good for grandmas to sit in the sun for four hours shouldn’t prevent them from having a decent view of their grandchildren’s graduation ceremonies. But we can reduce the amount of seat-saving that happens in our society, and I think it’s a worthy goal to strive towards together. Here’s how you can help:
1. Event planners: Reserve seating for latecomers and those with handicaps. Reserve a few seats in front for grandmas, and a few seats in back for those people who just had to order dessert. The latter seats can be filled in if the other seating fills up—sorry, slackers, but you are just going to be S.O.L.
2. People needing seats saved: Think twice. Are you really going to make your friend guard the only couch at the party, or the best seats in the theater, while you tend to other matters? How urgent are those other matters, and how important is it that you get that seat back? Rule of thumb: if you explained to the people who wanted your seat why they couldn’t have it, would they understand, or would they call B.S.? If the latter, don’t have the seat saved.
3. People asked to save seats: Just say no. I know, this is asking a lot. Right now there’s a default assumption that if someone asks you to save a seat, you have to say yes. Saying no may cause your friend to be irritated with you—but if the seat-saving request doesn’t meet the criterion above (would the people being denied the seat agree that it’s a legit request?), your friend should know he or she is in the wrong. Remember: this is bigger than you and your friend. This is about building a better world, one seated ass at a time.
Photo by Rochelle Hartman (Creative Commons)
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