Sexy Librarian Myth #1: Librarian will transform into totally hot babe upon removal of glasses, letting down of hair, and unbuttoning of blouse, a la Rachel Leigh Cook in She’s All That.
Busted: Many librarians have no hair to take down, as they are either men, or of the age where curlers and crop chops are all the rage. Glasses may be removed from the face, but they will continue dangling from the homemade beaded string permantly attached to the neck. Librarians wear turtlenecks and knitted ponchos only.
Sexy Librarian Myth #2: Beneath that meek, bookworm facade is a sultry sex-minx just waiting for the right man to awaken her.
Busted: The right man did awaken her, 30 years ago when she was doing Jell-O shots in the back of a VW minibus. They are now married with three kids, and have sex once every four months when the husband slips Irish cream in her decaf at a neighborhood party.
Sexy Librarian Myth #3: Librarian works with books –> librarian reads books –> books make you smart –> smart girls are hot.
Busted: Most library work actually revolves around computers now, which leads to hunchbacks, pale skin, and hourly Facebook status updates about how cute it is when the cat thinks it’s a person. Thanks, technology!
Sexy Librarian Myth #4: She tells you to be quiet, but that’s only because she secretly likes “it” (nudge nudge) loud.
Busted: She actually wants you to be quiet. The students have been complaining about that weird guy with the receding hairline who keeps blaring into his cellphone about his “ample coke supply,” “sweet pad,” and “really awesome sex skills.”
Sexy Librarian Myth #5: Libraries have tons of dark crannies and hidden nooks perfect for makin’ sweet, savage, glasses-off love.
Busted: Try it in a public library, and you’ll be not so pleasantly surprised to find budget cuts have left the shelves sparse, your naked derriere hidden by no more than a two-thirds of a set of Encyclopedia Brittanica and six copies of He’s Just Not That Into You. Try it in a university library, and you’ll quickly become fast friends with Walter the campus security guard, peeping at you through the stacks and making suspicious jostling and snuffling noises. It’s cool if exhibitionism is totally your thing, though.
– Regan Smith actually works in a library, so she can attest that this is 100% hard, cold fact.