Jason Zabel
TagThe Best MPLS Spots to Sneak in Your Own Booze
Nick & Eddie – There’s no corkage fee if you bring your own bottle of wine, but you don’t need to tell your friends that. Make them sn..
Different Types of Drunks
The Reliable Drunk: This person knows how to drink. They practically do it for a living, and they know what they’re doing. While they wi..
When Cats Piss the Bed
The following essay is compiled of excerpts from comments on a forum about cats peeing in improper places. Each line has been taken from..
How to Be at One with Nature
1. When you’re eating your onion rings and zesty sauce in Burger King’s parking lot, don’t throw your garbage into nature. Keep your g..
The Tangential Gets Tussed Up and Live Tweets ‘The Little Mermaid’
Last night, celebrity Har Mar Superstar took acid and went to a screening of Justin Bieber’s movie–in 3D. He live tweeted the event for..
Celebrity Posters For Your Hipstery Bedroom
-Jason Zabel will never buy farts
X-RATED Valentines
Valentine’s Day as a grown up is tough. It’s not just about putting a Power Ranger card with a Ring Pop attached to it in all your classma..
How to Get That Spark Back Between You and Your Pet
1. When kissing your pet, don’t be afraid to reciprocate with a little tongue. Your pet doesn’t understand non-tongue kisses. You’..
How To Stay Moist
1. The best fix for this problem is quite simple: purchase a large plastic suit, similar to the above picture. Before entering the suit,..
Things My Parents Say While Watching 'American Idol'
“Well I don’t think there’s anything too special about her.”
“He doesn’t deserve any of this!”
“Well that was very strange.”
“She’s g..
What Facebook Thinks About My Friendships
Facebook thinks I’m a drunken teddy bear-hugger. The “See Frienship” tab is an exercise in a computer editing my life. Computer-selected p..
Portrait of a Woman Who is the Opposite of My Real Mother
Phyllis switched to only Pinot when she found out that she was pregnant with me. Lord knows she needed something to deal with the news, ..