It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
Skynyrd, Philadelphia Coliseum, ‘77
One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, FLOOR
Pee: I Like It (A Memoir)
The Shingles Diaries
Ride that Ass: One Man, One Donkey, One Journey
To White Bear Lake and Back
1. Fucking get some real worries and be devastated by them. You probably have too much time on your hands. If you’re wistfully plantin..
So you want to write the next great American novel. First off, fuck you. No one reads those things. But, okay, I see that you’re set on ..
You wake, pour yourself a cold press, begin to smile, and then it hits you: everyone died last night. It’s not your fault, and there’s..
1. Overanalyzing everyone’s intentions/thoughts
What did your fifth grade teacher mean when she told just you that kids your age shou..
Introduction: How I Met Ke$ha
“I’ve known assholes like you,” Ke$ha said as she pulled up a stool, slapped me on the leg, and blew vo..
If you’re the only man present in a room full of women, and they want to know “what boys think,” make it up. It’s your time to be a ma..
Did you awake with a stranger in your bed?
Was there a pounding in your head?
Was there glitter all over your room?
Were there pink..
Laid-off monorail drivers pointing the monorail trains at each other and playing chicken.
Porn night at ..
So sexy we had to dance. The guy in the background complimented us.
Dance-y. Stonery. Jammy.
Walk up to them and just start measuring their limbs and torso with a tape measure. When they ask what the hell you’re doing, just ans..