Rationalizing Your Teenage Daughter’s Sexy Facebook Photos
Over 20 likes! That must be due to the stunning composition of this photo. The seemingly nonchalant way that she took this in our bath..
Hooray! My 82-Year Old Grandpa Finally Got His College Degree…That Deadbeat Sack of Shit
Hey, sweet! My Grandpa Carson just did the unthinkable! After 82 years of his wretched existence sullying this planet, he finally clea..
“Why I Love Foggy Clubs,” by a Guy Who Loves Foggy Clubs
I like to walk into the darkened club alone. It’s better this way. Just me and the fog, no one in between us. That way I can really se..
Places I’ve Had Sex: Bummer/Boss
Boss: Outdoor hot tub. Midnight, Black Friday, 2006.
Bummer: Parking lot of a Perkins. Mid-afternoon, Black Friday, 2007.
Rebound Sex: My Anti-Drug
The number of times I’ve fooled around with marijuana in the aftermath of major life setbacks could fill up a really boring and really sho..
10 Tattoos to Get While Drunk this Weekend – By Al Mueller
Al Mueller is releasing a book tonight. It looks like this:
And has lines like this:
Ten stories in five minutes
To warm up for the Paper Darts Flash Fiction Writing Contest, I wrote ten short stories in 30 seconds each.
- There was a man. He ra..
As the kitchen sink filled with hot water, Hannah looked out the cabin window at the kids. Her boys had brought out the ladder golf, a..
God, Megan, I love my husband but if that sweet dumbshit tries to steal another tropical bird for me, I swear I’m packing my bags.
“Why are we sleeping in a tent in the barn?”
“Give those here.”
“The Oreos. Give them here.”
“Here you go, you fre..
Last Week I Made Out with Two Men So They’d Get in a Bar Fight
Last week, I made out with two men — a butcher and a singer in a Zeppelin cover band.
The butcher smelled like meat, like h..
I Only Have Sex with Ladies Named Jean
I only have sex with ladies named Jean because my name is Gene and because while I certainly love to hear my name being yelled out dur..