Imagined Conversations
CategoryHonest Answers to Common Job Interview Questions
Tell me a little about yourself.
As you may have noticed, I’m quite short, I compulsively destroy my cuticles when I’m nervous, and..
Me and My Taylor Swift Pizza Box
Hey, Taylor Swift. Not the real Taylor Swift, but the giant face on my pizza box. You just got delivered to my door, and I can’t wait ..
Pre-Menstrual Responses: Thoughts vs. Words
Comment: “Wake up, sleepy! You look tired today! You feeling alright?”
Response in Words: “Oh, I’m fine…just need some coffee.” (we..
If I Did Stand-Up at My High School Reunion
Hello, St. Agnes High School class of ’93! It’s great to be here. Of course, it would be greater to be in God’s eternal glory, but I g..
Being Roommates with 2012 US Olympic Team Athletes
Ryan Lochte doesn’t just not remember to put the toilet seat back down, he actively refuses to do so. He tells you it’s a patience tra..
Other Minor Fast Food Chains Announce Political Stances on Sex Things
-Burger King wants you to do masturbation your way
-Annie’s Pretzels takes a stance against the stereotype that flexible people are..
A Settlement Regarding the Post-Breakup Disposition of Melissa and Erik’s “Settlers of Catan” Game
The “Catan: Game of Our Generation” BUMPER STICKER shall remain in place on Melissa’s Hyundai. In compensation, the BOX for the game (..
What Your Warby Parker Frames Say About You
You change your opinion about Keurig coffee makers depending on the company you’re in. You iron your khakis when your wife is ..
Excerpts from Batman’s Failed Poetry Blog
Cowl
It may look like rubber to you
Like pointy little bat ears
Like it’s hard to turn my neck.
To me it’s more than a ma..
You’re Doing Fine.
You look like you need a hug. Here’s one .
Have you lost weight? You feel just a little bit more bony around the mid-section. You k..
“An Evening with Young Mitt Romney,” A Play in Three Acts
Act 1
Young Mitt Romney, or “The Mitt” to friends and family, stands aboard a speedboat zipping into the blood-orange, half-circle ..
Pinterest Answers the Proust Questionnaire
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
What is your greatest fear?
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
What i..