Imagined Conversations
Category
My Emoji Glossary
I like what you are saying. However, I am not going to virtually kiss you or give you much more time because I am feeling somewhat intimid..
This White Man Does Not Exist
Hi.
Hella.
How are you?
Obviously pretty great, considering. How are you?
Same.
Right.
I wanted to ask you, how does..
Automated Messages You Can Use BroApp to Send to Your Best Bro
“Sup, bro.”
“How was your day, bro?”
“What side’s it hanging on today? I’m leaning starboard.”
“Got some beers, bro? I’ve got a c..
E-Mails You Get On Your Neighborhood Listserv
SUBJECT: Free object that nobody in their right mind would want
Pile of useless, broken, and likely contaminated crap dumped on the..
Missed Connections of the Damned
Why so serious? – m4m – (inside my torso)
I’ve always been a sucker for the brooding, sensitive types. So when I glanced over my s..
An Alien’s Maid of Honor Speech for Her Human Best Friend
Ladies and gentlemen, friends and family of the happy couple, I want to thank you all for being here on this joyous occasion. My name is T..
If Famous Authors Could Ghostwrite Pop Star Albums
Haruki Murakami x Taylor Swift
-“Eating Invisible Gelato with You”
-“Cooking a Simple Meal Wearing a Simple Outfit”
-“She Has..
Things I Imagine the 5-Year-Old Instagram Style Icon Would Say About Me Behind My Back
-What percentage of her wardrobe would you say is from Target? 110%? That’s where I buy my dog’s chew toys and nothing else.
-Her Ins..
My Dream Date with Benedict Cumberbatch
Benny (as I affectionately call him because we’re really quite close now after our three hour long text conversation that was largely ..
Classic Conservative Quotations, Translated
“You can’t be for big government, big taxes, and big bureaucracy and still be for the little guy.” (Ronald Reagan)
“I have such con..
Congratulations on Your Very Own Ricky Rubio!
I’m sure you want to jump right into life with your new Ricky, but let’s get to know him first.
Legend says that Ricky’s father was..
How People Following Different Diets Would Die in The Hunger Games
Vegan: Meditating in tree pose for 4 straight days while painted as a tree and then getting stabbed by the Paleo person who is like, “Wh..