Imagined Conversations
CategoryVoices: A McGriddle – How I Learned to Embrace My Sensuous Sexuality
I didn’t ask to be the only breakfast sandwich with a delicious pocket
of maple syrup, you know. I just wanted to blend in. Keep my head
..
Worst Lunch Box Notes Ever
Roger Ailes:
Darling,
If you see that little fucker Ted Turner’s kid at school, tell him I think Joseph Goebbels would have really admire..
An Interview with My College Self Regarding the New Weed Soda
It’s here! Weed that hurts your throat in a new, bubbly, fizzy way. It comes in flirtatious flavors like “Sour Diesel” and it’s probably ..
I'm sorry about what I said earlier. That was the stress talking.
“You’re breathing down my neck like Antonio Banderas on ecstasy and oysters, and that’s exactly how your breath smells.”
“I’d be happy ..
Excerpts from an Episode of Intervention, Hosted by Sarah and Katie
Sarah and Katie are giving Intervention an intervention after watching an entire season in one sitting.
John: Hi, my name is John. I ..
What Do You Mean, You Don’t Remember?
You seriously don’t remember last night? Jesus, it was fucking crazy as shit. Yeah you did drink a ton; it figures you would have large ..
An Uneducated Imagining of a "Living with Bedbugs" Saga
I woke up and the bed bug was sitting on my oriental rug, talking about “Jane Eyre” with a personification of a family made out of snot. ..
No, little sister, you cannot come to the party I'm having right now with Belle and Ariel and Aladdin
Yes, I know you want to come in. You just can’t. We’ve already got Belle and Ariel and Aladdin and Pocahontas and Mulan and Jasmine and ..
Harmony Korine on "Late Night with Grandpa Jim"
Oh! Whoooooo’s here?
Heh heh. Hey.
Who is sitting on Grandpa Jim’s couch?
Nice.
Is that Harmony? Is Harmony sitting on Grandpa Jim’s c..
You Love Me? Prove It with Food
You love me? Wow, thanks. I really appreciate that. I mean, that’s really super great to hear. Very nice words, “I love you.” A little si..
Mad Libs: Performance art talkback
ARTIST: Wow! That was really . Thank you all so much for coming out tonight. Last night’s crowd was really , but you guys—whoa. Anyway, we..
A bedside prayer over satin sheets
Why am I here, God? Why did You create me, and put me on this earth? I’ve been struggling with that question lately. I know You have a g..