The ones who never gave up. There were a lot of times when it seemed like this relationship might not work out—the 32 breakups, those ..
Beard: Your beard is a way to show everyone who encounters your face how committed you are to saving the white rhino. You started grow..
Geode: You’re a mass-produced volcanic rock easily broken apart by children to reveal polished crystals, commonly sold in state park g..
Freedom is tits. You can lay whoever you want, buy the Reese’s Puffs cereal your ex thought was “juvenille and unhealthy,” or move to ..
Millions of Americans live with generalized anxiety disorder, an illness memoirist and blogger Jenny Lawson describes as “basically li..
Randy Rennt: Randy is your landlord, though he only remembers this on occasion. Half cross-eyed, bespectacl..
–Attempting to drink 21 shots on my 21st birthday
Everyone tries this. You have Sam Adams who gets to 25, and Allie Alltalk who makes..
John F. Kennedy: Prince Eric
John and Eric grew up royally and spent their childhoods sitting on ornate palace balconies, wistfully l..
1. Hand over the money. The River Glory Singers only accept cash, in exactly the amount due. If you don’t have exact change, the Singe..
Good morning, shithead. Seems like staying up until 2 a.m. drinking beer and watching Workaholics isn’t doing much for your complexion..
Shitty stuff. Your car will break down, your pets will die.
Exclamation marks in porno titles. It’s never Gemini Starr Gets Rammed,..
I will redecorate. Hey guys! I’m here with all my stuff! Sorry to dump four lumpy futons in the living room, but I already filled the ..