American History Through the Eyes of Asshole “Put it in Perspective” Facebook Statuses
Declaration of Independence. Guess we got ourselves a real country now. Don’t come crying to me when the mule tax goes up by double. (44 l..
What Archaeologists Will Find in a “USA” Dig Site in 2,500 Years
1. Pissing Boy Decals. You’ve likely seen the badly drawn boy pissing on a Chevrolet sign/Polaris snowmobile/state of Wisconsin. G..
I am a Farmer-Blogger
I was attending night classes for my associate’s in business in Sioux Falls. But fuck that. Now, thanks to the Internet, and a self-ha..
If Font Faces Were Lovers
Times-New Roman: He’s the default for every college freshman. You don’t even like him, but he’s there, you’re drunk/writing a term pap..
How to Meet Jeff Timmons of 98 Degrees
First, make certain through cronyism that the yet-undiscovered buzzband of which you’re a member is playing a large public park in a r..
Some Hard Truths About Babies
Babies tend to be cute and short, but often they just sort of giggle and grab at invisible shapes in the air with their squishy, fatty-p..
People in the Looming Minnesota State Government Shutdown, as Played by Characters in a McDonald’s Happy Meal
Grimace, as Governor Dayton – His voice is garbly, he has a mysterious, convoluted past that no one wants to talk about, and he looks ..
Top Worst Things I’ve Had to Do as a Stutterer
1. Say my name in an interview. Kids who stutter generally have problems when the following meet up: nervousness and consonants. M..
How to Properly Jack Off a Horse
1. You’ll want to find a horse first. Ideally one with a beautiful chestnut or palomino coat. Any genre, too. I prefer Clydesdales, bu..
My sex fantasies about five hosts on 89.3 The Current
Jill Reilly: We lock eyes at a Saturday morning vinyl record garage sale in South Minneapolis. She’s looking for limited issue Smiths…