Texts I Sent While Reading “Dune”

Texts I Sent While Reading “Dune”


Atreides getting dropped off on Arrakis

“The seeker could have killed me, no?” STOP MAKING THIS ABOUT YOU, MAPES

wants to be cut with the knife — but just a little! just wants to show off her rapid clotting powers

what a diva

I love how when addressing the troops, the duke keeps going for cheap laughs by dragging the Harkonnens

If I remember right…this turns into a rom-com that ends with Leto and Jessica finally deciding to tie the knot! 💒

Phone-a-Friend: Duke Leto

“I’ve got the new head of Arrakis on the line. Duke, how are you doing?”

“I am tired. MORALLY tired.”

“So, Duke, to be quite honest it sounds like you’re in a sour mood. Have you made any new friends on Arrakis?”

“They are cheap masks locked on festering thoughts — voices gabbling to drown out the loud silence in every breast.”

Have you named the 🐛? I was thinking Bitey

“I find myself continually amazed by the importance of water on Arrakis.” REAL ORIGINAL DINNER CONVERSATION, LADY JESSICA

I can’t tell whether Paul is like 12 or 38

I hope they make the new movie Clue-style, and in one of the endings Mapes is the Kwisatz Haderach

I’ve decided that you can make any book into a DUNE book just by inserting regular references to Bene Gesserit

“You know something about it, and you’d better tell at once, or I’ll make you.” And Jo gave her a slight shake in the Bene Gesserit manner.

“Scold as much as you like, you’ll never see your silly old Bene Gesserit book again,” cried Amy, getting excited in her turn.

“Why not?”

“I burned it up.”

“What! My little Bene Gesserit book I was so fond of, and worked over, and meant to finish before Father got home? Have you really burned it?” said Jo, turning very pale, while her Bene Gesserit eyes kindled and her hands clutched Amy nervously.

“Yes, I did! I told you I’d make you pay for being so cross yesterday, and I have, so…”

Amy got no farther, for Jo’s hot Bene Gesserit temper mastered her, and she shook Amy till her teeth chattered in her head, crying in a passion of grief and Bene Gesserit anger…

Have you reached the Moment of Tooth?

Mapes, we hardly knew ye. Your final words were truly inspiring.

Okay, maybe not the best Pride Week read 😬

Like Arrakis sands through the hourglass, these are the days of our lives

My favorite piece of Arrakis technology is the FIRE PILLOW

I need an explainer on Lady Jessica’s relationship with her reproductive system

Today on Maury: “You never wanted a son, you only wanted a Kwisatz Haderach!”

On to Part II! That Bene Gesserit dating service 😳

I have finished DUNE. The ending is better if you replace the very last word in the book with “the Unsinkable Molly Brown.”

Jay Gabler