Best person who just discovered Gwen Stefani: Miley Cyrus

Best straight dude taking a silent moment to anticipate applause from GLBT audience: Macklemore

Most overt about being the next Michael Jackson: Bruno Mars

Best band that uses hair gel to all appear the same height: One Direction

Most cheerful despite being terrified of Kanye West: Taylor Swift

Most congenial friend to Taylor Swift: Selena Gomez

Most lonely that Selena Gomez has a new bestie: Demi Lovato

Least likely to take half-naked yoga selfies about body image right now cuz she got back to 110 lbs.: Lady Gaga

Best guy that MTV loves the most: Justin Timberlake

Most “who’s that? I’m old …”: Iggy Azalia

Best person who is paying more attention to Twitter than the awards or is drinking or switched to watch something else: You!

–Becky Lang watched the first half closely and then got really distracted during the second half