Best/Realest Tweets of the Fortnight, 5/12-5/25/13
I think 2chainz wins rap instagram. since i followed him he’s posted a butterfly, like 9 salads, and his rose garden (twice).
— ☁♡kyra♡☁ (@kyraherning) May 14, 2013
“You wanna pay less than $100 for a dress, huh? Well, here’s a T-shirt we found crumpled on the stock room floor.” – Anthropologie
— Marnie Shure (@marnieshure) May 15, 2013
How does “passionate about sales“ exist as a thing
— Megan Nolan (@Megaroooo) May 15, 2013
hey why don’t you just smoke pot on January 5th since that’s what 4/20 reduces to how could i possibly keep that in drafts all year?!?
— Natalie Patricia (@nataliesurely) May 15, 2013
I feel like Kristen Stewart has already done her job on this planet.
— Becky Lang (@leckybang) May 19, 2013
sounds like someone needs to take a selfie
— Will (@wbech) May 20, 2013
‘Are we having sex?’ – a good response to ‘Can I have a ride to the airport?’
— Tess Barker (@TesstifyBarker) May 20, 2013
I love when commenters tell me I need to find a good man because it’s such a tissue-thin veiling over “You need a good dicking, allow me.”
— Chelsea Fagan (@Chelsea_Fagan) May 22, 2013
My friend wanted to feel like a princess for her wedding day, so I made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.
— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) May 23, 2013
Benedict Cumberbatch sounds like a name an asshole would give to his asshole cat.
— Brett (@thecajunboy) May 24, 2013
Technically all pictures of your butt are for “posterity.”
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) May 24, 2013
YES I am pregnant! It sucks!
— ✌ MAMA ☺ KREAY ✌ (@KREAYSHAWN) May 16, 2013
– Compiled by @JayGabler