a ‘blurb’ seems like something that we should all feel embarrassed about

— gabby gabby (@seemstween) March 16, 2013

starting to feel v alienated whenver 2chainz introduces himself in a song by screaming his own name

— vicki tingle (@vickitingle) March 15, 2013

like, if every time i was about to speak i yelled VICKI TINGLE ppl would think i was insane right

— vicki tingle (@vickitingle) March 15, 2013

Just discovered that there is a band called the Harmonica Lewinskies. Please respect my privacy at this time

— Sam Lansky (@samlansky) March 15, 2013

I saw the best minds of my generationDo just fine without Ritalin on weekends and school holidays

— Tween Hobo (@TweenHobo) March 14, 2013

Sext: Don’t make me pull this car over

— matt (@biorhythmist) March 15, 2013

My banana says “Chiquita TO GO!” and I’m wondering when bananas have ever been less than portable.

— Marnie Shure (@marnieshure) March 14, 2013

the abyss does not follow back

— charles shaw (@magazner) March 14, 2013

Dance like nobody’s watching, tweet like your parents aren’t reading.

— Blake Anderson (@UncleBlazer) March 14, 2013

Is Chris Paul also walking around in life wondering why Facebook thinks we know each other

— Carrie Wittmer (@carriesnotscary) March 13, 2013

Idea: a mouth tampon for after I’m done flossing.

— Amber (@Amburglar_) March 13, 2013

“That night, Todd walked with a bit of dub in his step.”

— Bob Dorff (@B_Dwarf) March 12, 2013

instagramming woods on a snowy evening

— Alex M (@alexmce) March 11, 2013

The way Kathy Lee need Regis, that’s the way I need cheez-its

— Carly Michelle (@carlyfails) March 10, 2013

– Compiled by @JayGabler