I THINK I DRANK MYSELF AWAKE

— ΞMiLY (@TEENSLUT666) February 3, 2013

Every person has a story to tell & a butt.

— blake (@Leemanish) February 16, 2013

I spent most of my childhood terrified that The Rhythm was going to get me.

— Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) February 16, 2013

One regrettable consequence of tax season is the amount of eye contact I have to make with adults dancing in statue of liberty costumes. :(

— Mandy F (@theknittingwar) February 15, 2013

Dashcams are the new space race

— Emily(@RobotOwl) February 15, 2013

hey barista look at me look at me GOD DAMMIT FUCKING LOOK AT ME when i’m putting money in your tip jar ok i’m not doing this for my health

— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) February 14, 2013

I want to switch internets with someone else for a day

— Emily Gould (@EmilyGould) February 12, 2013

If I was dating Mumford and Sons, every time I went to the bathroom I’d be like will you wait for me, lol jk of course you will.

— Becky Lang (@leckybang) February 11, 2013

I basically want Kelly Clarkson to put out the album that you buy your mom for Mother’s Day!!!

— Marcus Michalik (@MarcusMichalik) February 11, 2013

LL Cool J reading tweets is like when your parents read you URLS starting with “http”

— Veronica De Souza (@HeyVeronica) February 11, 2013

Public dressing room at Loehmann’s is legendary. Just did some naked jumping jacks and a series of deep lunges to make it really weird.

— Holly Manthei (@HollyManthei) February 10, 2013

Girl, you must be a David Lynch movie called “Mulholland Drive” because I have no idea what the fuck is going on.

— Jason Miller (@longwall26) February 10, 2013

I thought a pregnancy scare was when you saw a pregnant person

— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) February 5, 2013

– Compiled by @JayGabler