“Condolences about Neil, man. That sucks.”

“I’d like to speak with a Mr. Snotball, first name Ura.”

“Can you drive me to the airport tomorrow?”

“Hey, I’ve just wanted to let you know your book really helped me while I was recovering from accidentally shooting myself in the crotch.”

“Yo, that shit is dope.”

“TEAM RADIO SHACK LOLOL”

“Mr. Armstrong, I’m a huge fan and I just wanted you to know that, as a professional eBay retailer, I can help you turn your used bike shorts into cash!”

“Hey, can I get Tony Hawk’s digits?”

“WHY ALL THE YELLOW?”

“Can you come check my balls for lumps please?”

“I loved you in ‘You, Me, and Dupree.'”

“You made a mockery of a sport I never watched, u monster!!!!!”

“It’s me, Sheryl. I win.”

34,923 dick pics

– Jay Gabler, Sarah Harper, and Marcus Michalik