Do you love to watch TV shows all in a row, and often grow to feel like the characters are your family members? Are you fairly indiscriminate with what you watch, and able to find something to get addicted to in just about any show? Do you talk to people who say they “have no time for TV” and quietly marvel in awe over the secret pocket of time you seem to have that lets you watch every show ever?

You just might be qualify to be my TV friend.

What does being my TV friend involve? My ideal TV friend has a timely grasp of all TV from the last 20 years, particularly any show aimed at women but also the ability to appreciate the comedic nuance of Tim & Eric. They will have an almost photographic memory of the characters and events on every show, and be ready to communicate with me about them at any time, over Twitter, Facebook chat or text. Being my TV friend may involve discussing TV in person, but only once a week at most, and over alcoholic beverages. For example, if I text you, “What’s with Puck’s new pity-dating thing on Glee?” you will be able to text me back a witty but informative answer, sans judgment.

My ideal TV friend must:

• Be able to defend ABC Family’s Greek at any time.

• Passionately despise the mom on 7th Heaven.

• Be on a constant quest to find out how Ted met your mother.

• Have opinions about the differences between the WB and the CW.

• Be well-versed in morbid shows like Dead Like Me and Pushing Daisies.

It doesn’t hurt if you:

• Find it frustrating when people keep trying to turn TV discussions into gushing about The Wire.

• Are meaning to watch Breaking Bad but worry you might miss important plot points because you will inevitably watch the most important episode while drunk.

• Are good at posting funny commentary or GIFs about TV on Tumblr all day.

If you think you would like to be my TV friend, please send an application discussing your thoughts on Pretty Little Liars vs. Gossip Girl and why it is that some guys resent The League.

–Becky Lang