-Put a famous lady in undies on the cover
-Make sure all your writers are happily married men who refer to their wives as Sweetie. No female writers unless they’re also Urban Outfitters models/bloggers.
-End every less-than-masculine feature with “Like a Man,” for example, “Make a Mimosa … Like a Man,” “Groom Yourself … Like a Man” and “Revisit Mom’s Cookbook … Like a Man”
-How bout a section about cars?
-Write plenty of stories that glorify traditional, super strong men, like firemen or cops. But uh, with their shirts on, immediately followed by a prosaic tale of cooking eggs with a Sports Illustrated Model in her panties.
-Dress women up in elf panties (?) and pepper them throughout your culture section.
-Work in monthly surveys and features about sex, which make it clear that only 4% of your readership is gay. Really? 4%? Give tips on cunnilingus.
-How bout a section about how to hold/clean a gun?
-Have that funny girl from NBC tell a joke … in her panties.
-If all else fails, start featuring content that clearly panders to Republicans. This says, “Well, we’re no Details, if you know what I mean.”

–Becky Lang loves men’s magazines, but is starting to feel shut out.