A Guide to Ironically Seeing the New Twilight Movie

A Guide to Ironically Seeing the New Twilight Movie

1. Publicize

Make your future venture to see the new Twilight movie a public one. Ask people on Twitter to come see it with you. Write an invite on a friend’s Facebook wall. This removes the creepy shame of seeing the movie secretly, alone, and assures people you’re self-aware about the experience and only seeing it so you can “stay in the know with ‘what’s popular.’”

2. Have an opinion ready on the movie versus the book that expresses you generally disapprove

Make sure this includes something like, “I read part of one book but gave up on it when the vampire dad tried to talk to Bella about religion. What?” and “The movie was better than the book although there are too many special effects.”

3. Get proud of your inner dork

Only two types of people go see Twilight ironically: gaggles of twentysomething girls who are obsessed with Y.A. lit, and people of both genders who are interested in vampire culture. (Note: I belong to both of these groups. I saw the first movie with my sister, a fellow member of the former, and the second one with my old roommate Tony, a straight guy who, like me, really likes Buffy the Vampire Slayer.) Get the buzz for your viewing going by getting nostalgic about the Fearless series and posting GIFs of Buffy staking bad guys on Tumblr.

4. Look skeptically at teenagers when you walk in the door

You’re going to be surrounded by teenagers who aren’t taking this whole thing as ironically as you are. Make sure you coil away from them and look at your grown-up friends like, “OMG! Embarrassing” whenever they gasp at the sight of Edward Cullen on the screen.

5. Play a drinking game

To show you find something formulaic and simple, you need to play a drinking game. Pick one thing that you know is going to happen over and over, and take sips of a smuggled-in Four Loko that you’ve been saving from last winter. I would probably take a sip every time Kristin Stewart clears her throat awkwardly, but that’s just me.

Enjoy! (But not too much)


Becky Lang