30 Days of Average – Eat Something Crumbly in Bed
Your bed is your most faithful portal through this harsh, cruel world. It’s the closest you get to going back in the womb, except it’s a lot less gross. It’s just have blankets and pillows, not sheets of pumping blood falling all around you with nothing to eat but runny lady egg yolk that comes in through your belly.
No, in your bed you have all your things. The pillow that you paid a friend to sew for you in Home Ec. Your nightstand full of red wine rings. Someone you’re sleeping with or a stuffed animal, but never both at the same time unless you are some kind of freaky deeky annoying lolita girl.
You can go in your bed when you’re sad and you want to pretend you’re dead, or when you’re happy and watching a bad British movie while drunk at 2 a.m.
Naturally, you are going to do some eating there.
Whether it’s full on cartons of Chinese food or just a meager Handi-Snacks cheese and crackers packet, eating in bed is a great way to show yourself that you are your own best friend. Occasionally something will crumble in there and you’ll just sweep it away later. Don’t worry, no big deal. Everyone else will just think it’s sand from your last glamorous trip to the beach.