Public Service Announcement – Here are Some Facts:

1. Did you know that your life is harder than everyone else’s? It’s true. Some people live in poverty but your life is still more annoying and cliche than theirs somehow.

2. God hates you. It’s cuz of that thing you did. You know – the thing. You think it wasn’t really that bad but remember, God gets mad easily.

3. Your friends are indeed secretly talking about you. Don’t worry, it’s mostly just because of all your flaws.

4. Love doesn’t exist. Listen to your favorite love song and circle all the lies in a print-out of its lyrics using a red pen.

5. You are going to die someday. Read all the blogs you can, while you still have time.

Entertain all of these ideas for too long and feel like your life is a dramatic narrative that could be directed by that guy who directed 21 Grams. Indulge in self-pity like never before. Dive into your favorite rituals, like eating too many Cheetos, watching a black and white movie about pretty people who talk in accents that seem kind of not American, but are. Drink a beer in the shower. Sleep all day.

–Becky Lang