Have you been told you have an infectious laugh and an even more infectious case of Herpes? Do you have an uppercut so strong, fast and precise that it could symbolically knock out the infection that periodically graces your lovely lips?

Lucky for you, we’re looking for a fit, energetic lady with a sparkle in her eye and a cold sore on her lip.

Here’s how this will go down. You will show up at our studio while your cold sore is at its peak of inflammation. Please wear a sports bra that gives lift rather than holds down. We will provide you with a pair of spandex leggings and our stylists will arrange your hair into a ponytail.

Then you will proceed to box at the camera in a playful but determined manner, and we will zoom in on your cold sore.

Once we’ve got what we need, we’ll treat you with Abreva repeatedly until your cold sore shrivels. We will fill the mild wound with wall putty. Then you will box some more, swishing your ponytail with the ease of a woman who has just told her cold sore to “beat it.”

Note: If you also happen to have an embarrassingly bad odor down there, we might have a follow-up gig for you.

–Becky Lang