Thoughts I’ve Had While Getting Tattooed
Why did that paper need to know if I’m pregnant?
Could I be pregnant?
No.
Will this kill the baby if I am?
Crap.
Will I regret this in the morning?
Will my mom still love me?
Do I own clothing that will cover this in front of my grandma?
Does someone else have this same tattoo?
I totally thought of it first.
Shit. What if I meet them and they accuse me of copying them?
That’d be awkward.
Whatever.
Is that needle sterile?
I probably have HIV now.
Should it be hurting this much?
AHHH! BLOOD!
Breathe.
God, you’re such a pussy.
Is this his first tattoo?
I hope he colored in the lines as a child.
If it ends up crooked, I’m gonna sue.
Wait, can I do that?
Shit. I signed my name on something.
Why are there so many skulls on the wall?
Did he escape from prison?
Has he killed someone?
OH, MY GOD.
Why is there so much screaming in this music?
I wish they were playing Hanson or smooth jazz.
Why is this cot wrapped in saran wrap?
Is he about to go Dexter on my ass?
Is he making connections to Dexter, too?
What could I get as a cover-up for this besides a butterfly or a series of nautical stars?
I hope I don’t have to fart.
He has a naked chick on his arm.
Is he looking at my ass?
Is this turning him on?
I’m hungry.
What should I get next?