21. Georgia. You lose a big chunk of the south when you let Georgia go…but it’s not like it’s the end of the world. The people in Georgia are really nice, but the Coca-Cola Museum is underwhelming, and it’s confusing that a country has the same name as this state. Maybe the country of Georgia can just annex the state of Georgia, and make all our lives easier.

22. Indiana. This is the Crossroads of America, so I’ve hung onto it this long for fear that if we lose it, the United States will somehow fall apart. But that’s ridiculous. Sorry, Hoosiers.

23. Iowa. Here again we have the Georgia dilemma: they’re just so damn nice. And it’s a pretty state, with all those rolling fields and charming Kum-n-Go stations, and there sits the University of Iowa in the middle of it, keeping pretentious writers safely insulated from the rest of the country, like nuclear waste. With Iowa gone, we’ll just have to set them loose in Brooklyn…oh, wait.

24. Utah. America has a rich history of strange religious sects, and the Mormons are one of the richest and strangest. If we lost the Mormons’ home base, we’d lose something quintessentially American. We’d also lose Spiral Jetty, which is a shame, and their state flag has a beehive on it to emphasize how hardworking they all are! But there’s also a whole lot of nothin’ in Utah; it’s time to lose that slack.

25. Nevada. Vegas, baby! And legal prostitution! There’s no place in the U.S. that can really make up for the loss of America’s most gleefully sinful state, or the Grand Canyon…oh, wait. I just looked it up, and the Grand Canyon is actually in Arizona, which was the ninth state I offed. Whoops.

26. Mississippi. It was hard to know where to put Mississippi on this list. It’s the heart of the south, and I hear the food is ridiculously good. Mississippi’s Robert Johnson sold his soul to the devil so that we could have the blues—but in a world where Michael Bolton’s “When a Man Loves a Woman” has as many YouTube views as Johnson’s “Cross Road Blues,” maybe we don’t deserve Mississippi any more.

27. Maine. Among the New England states, Maine has its own thing going on. It’s big and wild and kind of wacky. When I was growing up, I loved Robert McCloskey’s picture book One Morning in Maine—I totally had a crush on Sal the clam-digging girl. Later in life, I developed a strangely extensive relationship with L.L. Bean. But it’s time for America to get over the whole Kennedy thing, so at this point we’d better give Maine the heave-ho.

28. South Dakota. These are getting tougher—this is our last Dakota! And it’s really hard to describe, if you’ve never driven across South Dakota, just how fantastic this state’s roadside attractions are. I still proudly display my we have visited wall drug plaque. And it seems like a shame to cut South Dakota loose before they finish that giant Crazy Horse carving—but there’s no getting around it. South Dakota is just not one of the 22 most essential states.

29. New Mexico. You’ve got to have respect for the rich Native history here, and without New Mexico we wouldn’t have Bugs Bunny’s immortal line, “I think I took a wrong turn at Albuquerque!” But we’ve insulted Mexico enough in this country without suggesting that we have our own, new, Mexico right here in the U.S. of A. Let’s give New Mexico to old Mexico. Enjoy the cool caverns, amigos!

30. Maryland. There’s a lot of government stuff in Maryland, so tossing this state overboard will be complicated; and honestly, I feel like if we lose Maryland, I wasted my time reading all 865 pages of James Michener’s Chesapeake. Shit!

Monday: The ten most disposable states, numbers 1-10. Tuesday: Ten states that were pretty easy to chuck, numbers 11-20. Tomorrow: Ten states it will really suck to lose, numbers 31-40.

– Jay Gabler