References to livestock
“My cows!”
“Look at those horses!”
“Are those llamas?”

Comments on snacks
“Well, these cookie dough bites could be less melted, I’ll say that for them.”
“Oh, crap! I just spilled Mike & Ikes all over my purse.”
“I’m going to eat exactly one potato chip a minute until we get there.”

Comments on the music
“Who is this?”
“Can we change the station?”
“I used to think the chorus of this song went, ‘I love, I love, I love, this Jewish life.’”

Comments on other drivers
“This guy is really tailgating us.”
“That car almost swerved into your lane, but there were cute guys in it, so it’s okay.”
“Damn it! Why do I keep making eye contact with truck drivers? Now he keeps waving and honking at us.”

Comments on feet
“My feet are so sore.”
“You’re leaving dirty footprints on the windshield.”
“I wonder if my feet smell.”

Gossip about people who aren’t in the car
“Is she still dating him?”
“You know he got fired from that job.”
“Let’s play marry/fuck/kill! Somebody name three people.”

Reports on Twitter
“Oh, God. She just tweeted about the kind of sandwich she’s eating. Why is she so boring on Twitter?”
“It must be hot back home if he’s at work on a Sunday just to sit in the AC.”
“Tyler the Creator and Toro Y Moi are so cute when they tweet back and forth. Toro Y Moi uses lots of smiley faces.”

Making plans for pit stops
“Let’s try to make it to Madison.”
“I’ll need to pee sometime in the next hour.”
“Does Menomonie have a Taco John’s?”

Recap/preview of activity at road trip destination
“Are you going to see James Blake on the Blue Stage, or Neko Case on the Red Stage?”
“Remember when you convinced that guy you were in an open marriage, and he tried to hit on both of you?”
“That cabbie was creepy. Just because you’re driving down Crystal Avenue doesn’t mean you need to start talking about meth, especially if you don’t have any teeth.”

Phone conversations, and comments on phone conversations
“Oh, you went to the Solid Gold show last night?”
“Ask him if the guys from Fleet Foxes really showed up there.”
“What? No, never mind.”

Comments on the scenery
“That billboard has terrible fonts.”
“This part of Wisconsin is kind of pretty sometimes.”
“If I had that moose statue in my house, I’d paint it gold.”

Dealing with tolls
“Oh, crap. Do they give change?”
“Does anyone have a nickel?”
“I hear collecting tolls is actually a really dangerous job.”

Non sequiturs
“Someone should write a story called The Deepest V.”
“My cousin is so awkward.”
“When I threw my sandwich away, I said good-bye to it and waved.”

– Jay Gabler just drove 800 miles with Sarah Heuer, Becky Lang, and Jason Zabel; there was only one emergency duct-taping of the car, one coffee spill, and one nip slip.