• Purchase space LEGOs, make big space shuttle launch pads in their parents’ basements, and cry themselves to sleep each night in deep nostalgia.

• Develop the world’s fastest pinewood derby car.

• Summon George Lucas, Tom Clancy, and Michael Bay to a conference room. Give them a whiteboard and an unlimited budget. Say “you’re not leaving here till you create something that’ll make the Russians shit in their cosmonaut pants.”

• Unfreeze the head of Walt Disney, re-animate it, and run it for president.

• Steal a bunch of leftover rocket fuel and throw one killer all-night kegger/pyrotechnics party.

• Move to West Virginia. Become a high school science teacher. Help children of coal miners achieve their aeronautics dreams through small rockets. Develop cancer. Die. Inspire a film adaptation of the story, starring Laura Dern.

• Pound Jell-O shots ’til they have enough courage to sleep with their launch commanders, a.k.a. former bosses, and say something like, “Ground control to my vagina, prepare for touch down.”

• Develop a new, cheaper, long-distance version of the shuttle to help continue on the American pioneer legacy into the final frontier. Just kidding. Do more Jell-O shots.

• Go into the Botox industry.

– Dunstan McGill, with the last one by Becky Lang