1. Princess Jasmine
-Can literally pole vault between rooftops
-Is the hottest princess (except maybe Little Mermaid) and she basically chills out in pajama pants all the time
-She has a pet tiger
-She likes bad boys more than fancy princes
-Likes to defy her dad
-Has a cool birdcage/wall hybrid
2. Ariel
-Gets stonerishly excited about forks
-Good at singing
-Her gravity-defying red hair is not possible in reality, although Rihanna’s hair is close
-When she washed onshore naked, she just made a dress out of a sail and a rope, no big deal. And it looked hot.
-Her sparkly dress at the end is as impossibly cool as her hair. She might win the princess award for “Best Dresses,” and she had a tail for half the movie.
-Tight with her dad, but still willing to defy his wishes and grow legs and become human
-Insane gulls are fond of her
3. Belle
-Liked to read
-Didn’t fall for Gaston’s fancy pants seduction
While Belle has a cute ponytail and looks great in yellow, I could never stand the implicit message of Beauty and the Beast: If you live in a small town, find a controversial, huge, scary, slightly destructive man who lives in a large mansion. Seclude yourself and stay sane by talking to cutlery while you wait for him to transform into the man you wished he was.
She could have done better.
4. Aurora
Kind of a boring princess, I don’t remember much about her. She slept a lot? Nonetheless, she was hotter than the next two.
5. Cinderella
Cinderella is just so vanilla. Instead of an alarm clock, the creatures of nature sing her awake. Personally, I find that hard to relate to. It’s kinda bad-ass that she went from sleeping in the cinders to showing up her bitchy, big-footed stepsisters, but she was just so blonde and polite and housewifey.
6. Snow White
It was kind of cute how she hung out with a bunch of dwarves named Sleepy and Bashful and things like that, but otherwise Snow White didn’t do much. What was with Disney plots that involved the protagonist passing out during the climax of the movie? Plus, she had mom hair.
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