Pros and Cons of Being American

Pros and Cons of Being American


-General instinct upon writing pros is to say things we invented, which are lots of cool things like The Internet and MTV when it was still good

-Because we invented McDonalds and all those other things, we generally don’t feel “un-situated” as a culture while globalization occurs, instead just feeling a weird sense of nostalgia, guilt, and sleepy comfort via absurdity. (Could be a con?)

-We have a lot of squirrels. Some countries think they’re cute, right?

-One of the larger countries to take a road trip in

-You get to romanticize British culture a lot. Flats! Lifts! Fancy cheese!

-You already speak one of the hardest languages on the planet

-You might not realize you’re fat

-Fun political candidates to mock (many of them Minnesotan) while explaining you want to move to Canada

-People care about our celebrities and let them take photo-ops in their “native lands”

-Claiming you’re from “the real America”

-Relative “newness” as a country means large buildings often have stairways that are easier to walk down

-We didn’t invent Amy Winehouse


-We can’t even do Skins right

-We suck at foreign languages more than probably any country on the planet

-Other countries think we’re stupid/evil

-We didn’t invent The Beatles

-Simple things like buying weed, drinking wormwood, ordering a prostitute are tricky

-Passively consuming lots of corn syrup while being subjected to dumb commercials about corn syrup on the TV

-Lots of history to be embarrassed about/ shorter history than most countries/ less spooky old buildings

-The closest country to travel to has a significantly different “human flora” (AKA bacteria) meaning half of Cancun vacations are spent in the bathroom

-Our gruesome anti-abortion billboards probably outnumber our married gay couples

-College makes you poor and oh yeah everyone’s in debt and our banks are evil

-Relatively bland cuisine – casseroles, meat loaf, pot roast – or is that just the Midwest?

-Our Midwest is so Midwest-y

-People always come back from abroad and have a new openness to drinking, which probably means we’re not that fun

-Prescription pill culture (this could be a pro, via pills for fun)

Becky Lang hasn’t been off the continent, so this might be really biased

Photo by ice.blues