A poem about his penis

A list of his favorite Taylor Swift songs

A detailed description of sex with Bristol

An account of what Sarah Palin sounds like in the bathroom

A list of his favorite pizza toppings

The pros and cons of hockey hair

A bedtime story he wrote for his son titled, “Goldicocks and the Three Bros”

Which arm muscle he likes best

Tips for gutting a deer

How to be a racist in Alaska

A list of the best truck beds for lovemaking

Recipes for his favorite fried chicken side dishes

His fail-proof birth control methods

His political platform for the 2012 election

A guide to getting a centerfold in Playgirl

–Heidi Thomasoni doesn’t usually write this dirty.

(Photo courtesy of Buzzfeed.)