The Dicktionary

The Dicktionary

Dickbag – Similar to a douchebag, in that both are assholes, but different in that whereas douchebags are dumb and their baggery is aggrivating but relatively harmless, a dickbag is smart enough to know what he’s doing, and does it anyway.

Dicked – Different from getting dicked over, because getting “dicked over” implies the person doing it has some sort of obligation to you, like if you get dicked over by your boyfriend or your credit union. Getting dicked is more recourseless, like getting dicked by a red light, or dicked by your randomly generated Powerball numbers.

Dickish – Someone you can’t quite describe as a dick (which we have deliberately neglected to define in the dicktionary because everybody knows a dick when they see one), but is sort of dick-ish. This word is particularly useful when social convention bars you from actually calling someone a dick. For example, when your best friend’s boyfriend is being a total dick, you can toe that line by instead saying what he did was dickish. This transfers the dick characteristics from the person to the action, rendering it an observation rather than an insult. Although according to the transitive property he’s still a dick.

Dickjob – Not what you’d think it’d be, but also kind of exactly what you think it’d be.

Dickload – Equivalent to one metric shit ton, or two number eights at Taco Bell.

Dickpic – a photograph taken of a man’s man bits (and probably a series of identifiers in the room like your dining room table that negates your attempts at anonymity) and sent via electronic transmission to a girl who was totally kidding when she requested a dickpic.

Dickster – Of the hipster taxonomy. A dickster is a hipster in that they are constantly on the scene, attending every popular dance party, art opening, and local band CD release party/illegal condemned building rave. The dickster dicks himself by being at these events while tweeting about how dumb the events are, how dumb everyone there is for attending, how dumb everyone else is for not being there, how dumb twitter is, how dumb people who don’t tweet are, and how not alt and predictable the lighting is.

Dickvid – No.

Dickwad – see Dickbag for parallel comparison to dickwad’s douche- counterpart. -wads are additionally, however, also pretty skeezy.

Dickwave – Dickwave has two possible definitions. The first is applicable at the end of a particularly successful week of bagging a series of dicks (not to be confused with dickbags). Sample sentence: “Oh my God, you guys! I have not stopped getting it in this week. I’m riding a total dickwave.” Alternatively, dickwave is also having sex on your period.

Katie Sisneros and Sarah Heuer