Woah there, ___(powerful animal)___, chill out for a second. I appreciate your ­­­___(adjective)___, but I think it’d be best if you kept your ___(body part)­­___ out of my ___(article of clothing)­­­___. It’s nothing against you, per se, I think you’re a really ___(adjective)­­­___ girl with an amazing set of ___(plural noun)____, but right now we’re at ___(place name)___, and it seems kind of inappropriate to be trying to ___(verb)___ my ___(body part)­­___. You think I’m hot? Wow, that’s really nice of you. I think you’re ___(adjective)___, ___(adjective)­­___, and really ___(adjective)___, but I just don’t think we click like that. You’re like ___(food plural)­­­___ to my carrots. I mean don’t get me wrong, if I were ___(number)___ years younger, had approximately ___(number)­­­___ more ___(alcohol)___ Red Bulls in me, and was so desperate I’d ___(verb)­­­___ a ___(animal)­­­___ with a ___(physical deformity)___, then sure. I’d let you dive right in there. But the fact that you keep ___(gerund)­­___ your hand ever closer to my ___(balls-and-penis euphemism)___ doesn’t mean I’m going to abandon all standards and run with it like a ___(animal)___ on ___(amphetamine)___. Do you need a glass of ___(liquid)­­___? Why don’t I run and get you some ___(liquid)___ while you cool off. Go ___(recreational activity)­­­___ or something. Yeah, I know, this DJ is totally ___(adjective)­___. Yeah, you already told me you were the one who requested ___(female music artist)___ and then danced in circles and ___(verb, past tense)___ like a ___(supernatural being___. I know you thought your ­­___(adjective)­___ dance moves would somehow woo me into wanting to put my ___(body part)___ in your ___(body part)___, but you have grossly miscalculated my interest in you getting grabby. Please stop texting me pictures of you seductively licking a ___(phallic food)___. When I get home, I’m going to tweet about this. Hashtag ___(vague awkward sexual advance)___ 2011.

–Katie Sisneros