Nick & Eddie – There’s no corkage fee if you bring your own bottle of wine, but you don’t need to tell your friends that. Make them sneak boxed wine bladders under their coats.
1419 – You can smoke indoors. Light up and head to the ceiling, following a bunch of hipster girls in too-high heels who are giggling from too much pot. On the roof, you have a view of the whole city. The floor is rubbery and unstable, but everything’s ok … people are flashing each other and drinking rum out of Coke cans … you’d have to drink a whole lot of that concoction before you fell off the roof.
Love Power – When they turn on that smoke machine, all bets are off. BONUS: Stop in the basement sanctuary to have your wine trans-substantiated.
Uptown Theatre – It’s the only movie theater in Minneapolis that still has a balcony. Need we say more? (P.S. If you drop a bottle or can and it rolls down the whole theater, it WILL be loud. Another reason to head balcony-ward.)
Block parties – It’s generous of Summit Brewing to sponsor many of these community celebrations. Raise your hip flask in a subtle toast in the general direction of the $5 beer tent.
Shakespeare in the Park – WWWD? (What would Will do?) Stock the picnic basket with booze, that’s what. He also smoked cinnamon, but we don’t have to do everything Will did.
Grand Old Day – What’s Grand Old Day like not drunk? We don’t remember.
Zombie Pub Crawl – It’s sheer anarchy, so you can get away with doing just about anything in public. Bringing your own hooch is a necessity here, given how packed the bars are and how much you do not want to be sober on a zombie pub crawl.
Como Zoo – Just slip a little Karkov into that dolphin-shaped souvenir sipper. Careful! The orangutans are thirsty, and they have opposable toes.
The Kitty Cat Klub – There’s a photo booth where you can easily pour a flask into a soda. Or just go in the hide-and-go-seek-ready basement and do whatever the hell you want down there.
Spin Nightclub – If you dress scantily enough, the bouncers will happily watch you pull a jug of Gallo out of your purse and take a few chugs.
Public library – A flask of scotch and a copy of Lady Chatterley’s Lover make for a delightfully cozy Sunday afternoon.
Red Stag Supperclub – The waitress watched us sit on an empty Four Loko can without showing any concern. You’re probably good.
UMN English Department Graduate Office – Nevermind the mini fridge in the back which, as a fellow graduate student tells me, can hold exactly “not enough beers.” The grad office also boasts a sleeper sofa, which has boosted the office’s Sexy Quotient from -10,000,000 to a sultry 2. English grads like to get tanked, unfold the couch, feel each other up, and whisper sweet nothings about the Chicago Manual of Style in each other’s ears.
Lovely lady in the photo is Angela Richie, blowing too high to drive at Grand Old Day.