Are you worried that your teen is saying dirty, slutty things online? Do you stay up at night listening to them type through the crack in their door, envisioning their dignity slipping away with each click and clack of a key? Never fear, The Tangential is here, helping you decode those awful, shameful things your teen is saying.
DTH – This means either “down to hoover” or “dick tempting hips.” When typing this via text in the car, it means “death,” as in “My inevitable dth is approaching, N2KU.”
NMU – 80% chance this means “no more underpants” although it might mean “Nair me up.”
CC – “Cuttin’ class” for the cool kids, “cross country” for the uncool kids, “carbon copy” for the really uncool kids who actually communicate via e-mail … or, for that matter, by carbon copy.
AEAWWJS – More and more common among teens – “Autoerotic asphyxiation while watching Jersey Shore.” This can lead to dth.
FAC – “Fresh And Clean,” as in straight out of the shower and ready to party. Best used in text form, as there can be an unfortunate misunderstanding if you show up at your girlfriend’s house and tell her she’s looking FAC.
MOS – An acronym for an acronym set, meaning MILF OTH SMH – MILF (mammalian inner limb failure) OTH (on the horizon), SMH (SOS Metro Hospital).
BWB – “Bumping With Bros,” as in “What u doin tonite? Im BWB.” As with a “poke” on Facebook, what exactly “bumping” means in this context is left ambiguous.
PIR – “Pirating inappropriate relations” (a nice way to tell girls you are downloading porn).
DH – Confusingly similar to “DTH,” this is generally used in a sexual context—as in, “I’m down to DH if u r.” Probably means either “dry hump” or “designated hitter,” as in one who steps up to bat when the scheduled batter is performing poorly.
DAD – Either just “Dad,” for kids with one dad, or “Dad And Dad,” for children of gay parents. Correspondingly, “Mom And Mom” are MAM, and “Dad And Mom” are DAM.