It’s 7 p.m. and ___ your favorite show ____ just ended. You are taking the last sip of a ___drink____ and suddenly a car pulls up outside. It’s your two best friends ____ and _____. They’ve been sent on a mission to pick up ____sexy famous person_______ and take them to a hot tub party. You drive to ___SFP’s____ house and the lights are off. It seems like no one’s home. Worried because you know about __SFP’s__ addicition to ____substance___ , you decide to break in.

While climbing over the fence you rip your ___item of clothing____ exposing your ___embarrassing body part____ and this makes you feel ___emotion____. You take a hit of ___drug___ to ease your feelings. You help __friend__ and ___friend__ over the fence and then you head for the door.

__SFP___ is passed out, naked, and their ___body part____ is on display like an Emmy on Barbara Walter’s mantle. You decide to just carry them to the car, and see that a new message has shown up on your phone. It’s ___name___ from Craigslist, who has answered your query about trying __sexual act____ for the first time.

Thrilled, you text back that you’re currently occupied but will meet them at ___number___ at the corner of __farm animal___ St. and ____tampon brand name____ Alley. But then you realize that there’s not time to take ___SFP__ home, so you decide to make it a three-person activity. You arrive at the meeting point and notice that the ____a place people secretly have sex____ is empty, except for a bottle of Caramel-flavored Alcoholic Whipped Cream. __hot person__ wakes up with a suggestion: Why don’t you all play truth or dare?

Here’s our version:

It’s 7 p.m. and “30 Rock” just ended. You are taking the last sip of a Karkov shot and suddenly a car pulls up outside. It’s your two best friends Jay Gabler and Marcus Michalik. They’ve been sent on a mission to pick up Choire Sicha and take him to a hot tub party. You drive to Choire’s house and the lights are off. It seems like no one’s home. Worried because you know about Choire’s addicition to Xanax, you decide to break in.

While climbing over the fence you rip your leg warmer exposing your vulva and this makes you feel condescended. You take a hit of roofie to ease your feelings. You help Jay and Marcus over the fence and then you head for the door.

Choire is passed out, naked, and his belly button is on display like an Emmy on Barbara Walter’s mantle. You decide to just carry them to the car, and see that a new message has shown up on your phone. It’s Kathy from Craigslist, who has answered your query about trying touching fake boobs for the first time.

Thrilled, you text back that you’re currently occupied but will meet them at 3 at the corner of Billy Goat St. and Tampax Alley. But then you realize that there’s not time to take Choire home, so you decide to make it a three-person activity. You arrive at the meeting point and notice that the Barnes and Noble is empty, except for a bottle of Caramel-flavored Alcoholic Whipped Cream. Choire wakes up with a suggestion: Why don’t you all play truth or dare?

–Becky Lang and Sarah Heuer hope Choire Sicha isn’t addicted to Xanax, but there could be worse things.