In response to a discussion about Mick Fleetwood getting down with Stevie Nicks by being the shoulder for her to cry on when things went south between Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham, one of my friends said, “No. NO. Sensitive men are not sexy!”
As a sensitive man, I beg to differ. Consider these five common relationship situations. Who handles them in a sexier manner?
Sensitive man: Takes you to the Chatterbox Café, where he attentively listens to you talk about your family, your job, and your dog, and then suggests you play a game of Uno. After dinner, he picks up the check, walks you to your car, kisses you on the cheek, and tells you he had a wonderful evening.
Insensitive man: Asks you to pick him up at Liquor Lyle’s, then has you take him through the Taco Bell drive-thru (you go dutch), and then back to his place. He squirts a packet of Border Sauce on your cleavage and says, “Okay, let’s bone.”
You Can’t Agree On a Movie to Rent
Sensitive man: Compromises on a romantic comedy starring Seth Rogen. Makes popcorn, then gives you a back rub while you watch. After the movie, washes the dishes while you brush your teeth and exfoliate, then accepts your invitation to enter you, in the position of your choice.
Insensitive man: Insists on renting Jackass Number Two, so you go upstairs and watch Love Actually alone for the millionth time. His movie ends just as, in your movie, Emma Thompson is listening to Joni Mitchell and crying; he walks in naked and inexplicably bloody, tears your Snuggie off, and takes you from behind as you fumble for the remote.
You’re Spending the Weekend at Your Parents’ House
Sensitive man: Sleeps in a separate room from you and makes no sexual advances.
Insensitive man: Throws you down on your parents’ unmade bed and calls you by your mother’s name.
The Lawn Needs to Be Mowed
Sensitive man: Mows the lawn, then, when he sees that you’ve laid out the designated Sex Towel, asks whether you’d prefer if he shower first or not.
Insensitive man: Puts off lawn mowing until, out of frustration, you mow the lawn yourself. When you come in sweaty and tired, he growls, “Damn, that’s sexy!” and lays you out on the kitchen counter while he plays his favorite Rush album.
You’ve Been Married for 20 Years, and the Spark is Gone
Sensitive man: Rents a room at the W Hotel with the “Feel the Wuv” package featuring a bottle of sparkling wine, a box of chocolates, and an erotic spin-the-bottle game with feather tickler. Asks whether, and how, you want him to make use of the included “seduction sash.”
Insensitive man: Has an affair, then tells you he only did it so the two of you could have some hot angry sex.
– Jay Gabler feels it’s only fair to admit that Mick Fleetwood was married to another woman when Stevie Nicks hooked up with him.