1. Check-engine light*†

2. Asset protection alerts at the door of CVS Pharmacy*

3. Your mustard yellow split-level house triples in value over a ten-year period

4. Car alarms*

5. She stops caring what you wear

6. the end is nigh*

7. “If you don’t start watching your diet and checking your blood sugar, you’re going to start losing toes.”

8. not intended for use as a lifesaving device

9. You’re mixing bottom-shelf vodka and cinnamon schnapps*†

10. “I’m possessive, I’m vindictive, and I’m a nymphomaniac.”*

* Warnings I have ignored.
† Warnings I am currently ignoring.

– Jay Gabler