A banana peel is left lying on the ground. What happens next?
a. A plane crashes into it.
b. Someone likes it.
c. Snacks the Cat poops on it.
d. A panda who’s drunk on Four Loko puts it on his head and wears it around as a hat.
Knock knock. Who’s there?
a. Nancy Pelosi.
b. A cute otter.
c. A pair of perfect alternative breasts.
d. An iPad.
So Ole asks Lena…
a. “Do you think the filibuster will be overturned?”
b. “Why don’t you ever post questions on my Formspring?”
c. “Which buzzband should I listen to while I ‘tug one off’?”
d. “Is there any way to tell what color the inside of a Crazy Core Skittle is?”
What do you think you’re looking at?!
a. A raging forest fire.
b. The stars of Harry Potter.
c. Avril Lavigne’s bangin’ bikini bod.
d. Google image results for “lunch ladies.”
Yo momma so fat…
a. …she’s a victim of America’s growing obesity epidemic.
b. …when she nods her head, her chin reblogs itself.
c. …she makes Unchill AZN Bro look like Chloë Sevigny.
d. …because she ate a whole pan of cheesy corn casserole. How could you not?! It’s so damn good.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. What happens next?
a. They have a tense standoff.
b. They sit at the bar and take pictures of themselves looking bored.
c. They dance on the bar in an attempt to be relevant.
d. They form a Rollerblading guild.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
a. To get from North to South Korea.
b. To take a photo of a funny sign.
c. To creep on the wedding of Tao Lin and Megan Boyle.
d. Because they don’t have Coke Zero on this side of the road.
I get no respect. The other day,
a. I was murdered.
b. Someone copied my GIF without giving me a link.
c. Best Coast threatened, again, to sue me.
d. Everyone told me my Justin Taylor reference was too obscure. Come on! He’s written for The Believer!
What would you do with a rubber chicken?
a. Test it for H1N1.
b. Put it in front of a flashing neon background.
c. Try to get a tweaked-out raver to pose with it in a compromising position.
d. Mail it to Diplo to see if he’ll tweet about it.
Superman is flying past a field, and he sees Wonder Woman lying on her back with her legs spread. He thinks,
a. “Perhaps she’s fallen victim to the same unknown phenomenon that’s caused flocks of birds to mysteriously die over Arkansas.”
b. “This is right out of Retrospace Zeta.”
c. “She is making me ‘hornie’ via trying to ride slutwaves.”
d. “I’d sure like to download that font on her Underoos.”
SCORING: For each (a) answer, score 1 point. For each (b) answer, score 2 points. For each (c) answer, score 3 points. For each (d) answer, score 10 points.
Photo credit: The Internet