CT: Becky, Treatsa Pizzas don’t exist anymore.
Me: Well, for the last week of EARTH, I think Dairy Queen would bring them back.
CT: But it’s the last week of earth. Why would their employees give a shit? “Going to work” isn’t on your list. Why would it be on theirs?
Me: Um … they like going to work at Dairy Queen?
CT: And how are you going to get all that fast food? Do you think Wendy’s would, realistically, be open in the event of an impending apocalypse?
Me: Ok, ok. How about THIS: The apocalypse is coming, but only me and maybe a few other people know about it.
CT: Oh, so how did you find out?
Me: Because we were playing Ouija board. And our dead future selves told us.
CT: And you believed that?
Me: They knew undeniable secrets about all of us. Secrets only future people would know.
CT: Explain one undeniable secret you have that only future people would know.
Me: Well …. I intend to one day have just such a secret.
CT: Also, if only you and your friends knew about the impending apocalypse, how could you accomplish #5: Eavesdrop on the last-minute confessions of everyone around you?
Me: Oh damn. You got me. Screw you, Critical Thinker!

–Becky Lang started drinking soda at a young age