Because damnit I’ve worked for six and a half years for this friggin’ thing and I deserve some prezzies.
– A copy of the 250 d..
Hello, fellow sixth graders of Kew-Forest School. My name is Donald J. Trump, but you can call me Donny. I am eleven years old, I like rid..
It’s 2016. No, I’m not reminding you what year it is (it’s April, get that shit on lockdown). I’m saying it’s fucking 2016. This has becom..
My Dearest Lil’ Weenies,
When I saw you at the grocery store prior to my drive up north for a nice long weekend in a warm cabin, I knew..
Some people are beautiful, symmetrical, smooth, and glowing. Some are off-putting, pocky, inexplicably lumpy, and faintly resemble a flesh..
1. Remember to lift your wiper blades if there’s snow in the forecast. Sometimes, you know there’s a real adult nearby just by looking at ..
Happy end of the beginning of the holidays, readers! The extended family has gone home, all your cleverest strategic hiding spots for bott..
It’s so hard to sleep
I, Jason Derulo, got the sheets on the floor
Listen to me, I’m Jason Derulo,
-A cat is actually a bunch of smaller cats working together to look like one cat.
-Cats will shut down if you touch them in a certain s..
1. The Candlelit Sister Kiss
2. Bridal and Groomal Belly Bump
3. The Yellers Yell of Eternal Flaggelation
4. The Dance of Mr. Fun..
Experiencing erectile dysfunction due to mid-life malaise.
Watching Albus Severus’s Quidditch game and muttering “I would have caught t..
Every one of us, at some point, comes to the conclusion that it is a good idea to karaoke Bonnie Tyler’s seminal hit “Total Eclipse of the..