Ten Questions Raised by a Viewing of the First “Transformers” Cartoon Episode
ShareWhen they were learning to talk on ancient Cybertron, how did the Transformers decide which ones would be black, which ones would be Brooklyn mobsters, and which ones would be British? Given that Cybertron was already running low on energy when the Autobots and Decepticons left, how is Shockwave supposed to hold down the fort […]
The Narration to Every Nature Special Ever
ShareA remote place! Not just a remote place, the most remote of places! Few humans ever dare to venture here, because probably they would die—unless they were in a helicopter like us! Let’s descend to take a look. It would seem that no life could possibly thrive in this very extremely remote place, and yet…what’s this? […]
That Time I Didn’t Buy SJPs
ShareI just put a new comic book to bed this month. It’s called Self-Obsessed. It takes all the autobiographical strips I’ve produced here and there over the past ten years, and is presented to the reader as the journey yours truly takes to become a comic artist. It’s like reading a less-funny, much younger David […]
90th Birthday Gifts for Bob Barker
A video montage, set to music by Sarah McLachlan, of all the cushions, legs, and stuffed animals his pro-neutering advocacy saved from being violated. A trip to…sunny Brazil! One dollar. A Happy Gilmore DVD. Denture cream (it’s practical). The cash equivalent of whatever you were going to get him. A fucking normal non-skinny microphone, goddamnit. A […]
Academic Papers That Could Be Written About the “Frosty the Snowman” Special
Being and Meltingness: The Existential Question Under Frosty’s Hat Snow White: The Semantics of Race (or Lack Thereof) on Frosty’s Main Street He Can’t Light a Match, But He Can Flip a Switch: The Prospects for Frosty as an E-Tobacco Mascot Science Education on Children’s Television: Is Our Children Learning How a Thermometer Works? Of Course the […]
The Ten Most Awkward Moments In “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving”
Peppermint Patty tells Charlie Brown to “just save me a drumstick and the neck.” No wonder she wants to keep “these intimate details” between the two of them. Snoopy has a boxing match with the lawn chair. The only possible explanation for this is that one of Charles Schulz’s girlfriends thought it would be funny, […]
Six Things You Learn About Advertising From the 2013 British Arrows Awards
Douchey stereotypes still sell. Multiple spots for AXE and related products rank, and rankle. AXE, we learn, will help you screw “your brainy girl” (you can stay awake through obscure plays), “your party girl” (you can dance all night), and “your flirty girl” (eventually she’ll flirt with a woman and you’ll end up with a […]
Five Reasons Why Ms. Frizzle Is Obviously a Weasley
1. She’s a ginger. The most notable thing about the Weasley family aside from a) the fact that they can do magic and b) they’re, like, super poor, is their fiery red locks. Valerie Frizzle is inarguably of this clan, unless the color settings on your TV are all janky. 2. She’s magic. Yeah, I […]
Should You Be Watching MTV This Summer? We Rate What’s On
Catfish: The TV Show MTV is known for reality, not documentary. But the difference is getting slimmer: Both types of shows are typically Steadicam footage, voice over, and interview segments. In reality shows, the subject is the egos of the actors (or competitors, or judges). In documentary the subject is conceptual, a message from the […]
Evil Genius/Idiot Genius: What it Means to Be a Straight, White Male
I am a straight, white, young male. My demographic is far from underrepresented in the media, and because of that it’s treated as the default setting for the human race. I’m happy to notice that today’s television has more black/female/gay leads than ever before, and there’s reason to keep positive about the state of social […]
6 Reasons Why You Could Read Vampire Stories as Metaphors for Being Gay in an Intolerant Society
The idea that vampire stories could be cloaked narratives about homosexuality first occurred to me when I read M.T. Anderson’s Thirsty, where parallels between being a vampire and being gay are quite overt. Vampirism hits these characters at puberty, and carries with it both sensuality and feelings of dread/shame/secrecy that made the similarity impossible to miss. […]
Talking Points on the New Arrested Development
1. Non-Linearity Each episode of the this season of Arrested Development is a piece of a puzzle for a larger story that makes more and more sense the more of them you see. Is this an experiment that the writers undertook to take advantage of the unique platform that is Netflix, and the fact that people often […]
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