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Framing of the Shoe

Ten Actual Boutique Names in Annapolis, Maryland

ShareThe Framing of the Shoe Hats in the Belfry Re-sails Be…Home Snyder’s Bootery CleaVe The BOUTIQUE Bubbles For Hair Poppy and Stella Then…& Again Antiques Mary and Blanche! – compiled by Jay Gabler

Girls HBO

More Helpful Craigslist Housing Categories

Unresolved sexual tension houses Hook-up houses Houses where everyone ignores each other Houses where everyone hooks up and then ignores each other Dog-friendly Cat-friendly Friendly to people whose significant others sleep over all the time and take too long in the bathroom 420 666 Living situations your parents will approve of Living situations your parents […]

Hair 2

Things People Have Actually Said to Me Because I’m Black

I’m a black woman. If you turn your gaze toward the top of my head you’ll find a lot of thick, tightly curled hair. I don’t know if this is the reason why people make some of the creepiest, most racially charged comments in my presence, but I’ve also been told that I have “one […]

Lost in Translation

Questions You Ask Yourself During a Multi-Day Hotel Stay

Will the cleaning staff notice if I move…this? How about…this? Is this what it would feel like to be rich and recently divorced? Should I try sleeping in that other bed, just for the hell of it? Are the cleaning staff making guesses as to how much I’ll tip when I finally check out? Are […]

Gossip Girl

Flaws That “Freaks” Have On Shows About Rich, Gorgeous Teens

Chin clefts Parents who are both of the same race Detached earlobes 2008 Audis Dented cuticles Eyebrows that haven’t been plucked in, like, a week Big toes that are longer than the rest of their toes Visible roots Split ends Symmetrical haircuts Arm hair Butt cracks that have never been seen by anyone outside the […]

Cantina

Ten Shampoo Brands That Sound Like Aliens Swearing in “Star Wars”

Fructis! Jhirmack! Gud! TIGI! Prell! Rusk! Aveeno! Fekkai! CHI! Pssssst! – Jay Gabler

Art Fair

Exhibitors You’ll Meet at Your Local Art Fair

The Zen Master. She creates objects to inspire meditation: little Buddha statues, braided tapestries, water elements. Fortunately they work, since she has a lot of time to meditate when she fails to attract any customers. The Barn Dude. He paints barns. You want a big barn painting? You want a little barn painting? You want […]

George Michael

The Royal Baby, and Other Great Georges in History

George Costanza. The inventor of Festivus, the beleaguered everyman, the philosopher. George Costanza proved to the world that you can be lovable even if you’re annoying—a dangerous, but important, truth. Curious George. Another antihero among Georges, this mischievous monkey wreaks havoc with bananas, power lines, and everything else he can lay his grubby little hands […]

Two Years Old

The Stupid Questions You’re Asked at Every Age, 1-40

1. “How big are you?” 2. “How old are you?” 3. “Did you poop in the toilet?” 4. “Is it naptime?” 5. “Do you like kindergarten?” 6. “Are you reading by yourself?” 7. “How did you learn how to use a computer by yourself?” 8. “Do the kids at school make fun of your haircut?” […]

Clue

Ten Quotations I Can’t Stop Spouting

“You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs. Every cook will tell you that.“ As spoken by Colonel Mustard in the immortal comedy Clue. If you’re hanging out with the right people, someone will reply in a Mrs. Peacock scream, “But look what happened to the cook!” “You can visit Pity City, but you can’t live there.” Used […]

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The People You’ll Meet at Your Mom’s Garage Sale

The Lawnmower Lazarus. That Lawn Boy hasn’t started since the Clinton administration, but this guy is absolutely fascinated by it. You’d pay him just to haul it away, but he wants to resurrect it in full view of everybody so that his genius with small engines can be duly appreciated, and spends all morning tinkering while […]

girl-reading edit

Girly Essay Collections to Self-Publish When I’m 30

Pussy: When Cats See Too Much Porcelain: Accomplishments, High Scores and Mental Breakdowns on the Toilet Why are you all staring at me? Did I get period on my pants? and Other Paranoid Girl Moments When Tequila Did Not Mean Fiesta: Feelings from the Stomach Sorry, I Was Drunk: Relationships I’ve Ruined via Text That […]

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